Biking With Cars - Part 4 - Oh the Possibilities! haha

So here is the final post about my recent accident, I promise. From here on, I move onto other topics as I prepare for yet another trip to Panama to more than likely get into trouble. ;)

This is the last memorable thing that I can recall about the whole accident thing and my colleague reminded me of it today so I thought I'd share.

When Looking Banged Up Can Bring with it....Assumptions

I was still in the hospital 6 long hours after I got there and they had just finished feeding me pain killers, patching my arm up in a sling and at long last...set me free. At that point, the person who I went with had to go but she called in a replacement to fill in for her to make sure that I got home in one piece from the hospital. I had a bookbag with me (that I couldn't carry very well) and after taking 3 pretty white pills all at once, god knows how drunk I was going to be leaving there.

So my designated male (the importance of him being male will come, I promise) bag carrier and I are walking out of the Hospital and I begin to observe the looks around me... you know... the people who try not to stare but the effort they put into trying so hard not to just makes it so obvious that they are trying to? Wait... maybe that's just my paranoia tendencies talking.... Anyway, people were looking.

That's when I smiled and said to my friend "Hey... you know I look like I was beaten up...", to which he replied "yes you do.." in a non-chalant way as we made our way through the crowd. Then I smiled and said "How many of these people here do you think might think that you did this to me?" and proceeded to get this huge devilish grin on my face....

His face went white... "I never thought of that...but now that you say it....geeze..." was his reply...to which I started in a drunken laughing fit as we walked by a swarm of police officers.

Now please don't get me wrong folks. Abusing women is NOT a funny topic at all...in fact, I of all people can contest to that as I have had the unfortunate experience of witnessing first hand the effects that this can have on women...the ultimate battered woman syndrome. Not a laughing matter... I promise. But the look on Jeff's face when I said that.....now THAT was funny.

Walking out and saying loudly in front of all those cops "Now Jeff, Promise me you will NEVER hit me again!" to see the reactions of people watching and listening never crossed my twisted little brain... I swear.

Biking With Cars - Part 3 - Telephone Game

Keeping the theme of my recent accident alive, here is another funny of the whole situation:

The Telephone Game

I am a work-a-haulic. Those who know me know that there is no contesting this point. I have an 800# that forwards straight to my cellphone at all times and as long as I have phone and internet connection, I am working. Well at the time of the accident, I realized that there are probably times that I should just not answer the phone.

It was about 2 hours after I was hit...when i realized that I could no longer move my arm without experiencing excruciating pain. At the time of the hit I got up and knew that my arm was stiff but the doctors say that adrenaline is high at that point so I wouldn't realize pain until later (and in actuality it was the next 2 days that were by far the worst). So I gave in about 2 hours after the accident happened and allowed my assistant to take me to the hospital. I was sitting in my lounge waiting for the car to pull up when my phone rang. I figured I could still answer calls or questions so I answered it. My colleague on the other line was going on and on about an amazing email regarding positive feedback on a project that my team recently completed. He wanted me to see the email right then and there so I told him: "I'm sorry I'm not at my computer at the moment, I was just in an accident and am on my way to the hospital..." which of course started all the questions - how / when / where / are you ok / etc.... which I answered with ease because besides a really soar arm and a shitty looking face, I was fine.

When I got to the hospital, I decided to turn the ringer on my phone off because it was ringing non-stop.

Six hours later, I exited the hospital and decided to check my phone. Of course, 95% of all the missed calls were from Panama so I figured word probably spread. I called the office back and got a hold of my client. The conversation went something like this:

Bama: Jen? Is that you? What the hell happened to you?
Me: Well, I dunno if Simon told you but I was hit by a car riding my bike earlier today so I went to the hospital to get things checked out.
Bama: Huge sigh of relief... Yea Simon told me he spoke to you so I took his word.....but who else did you talk to?
Me: Nobody...why?
Bama: Holy Cow you should have HEARD some of the things I was hearing in the office today! Somehow everyone found out that you were hurt and all hell broke loose!
Me: huh???? I don't follow...
Bama: I walked passed someone outside and they said "Hey Bama did you hear Jen got hit by a BUS!".. Then I walked into another office in another wing of the building and I heard "Hey Bama! Is it true that Jen was involved in an explosion?"... Then I get back to my office and my phone starts ringing with our clients in the U.S. talking about "Hey Bama how come you didn't tell me that Jen was involved in a hostage situation?" Holy Shit Jen! It was amazing! Worse than Ferris Bueller's Day Off! Like WTF??
Me: Laughing my ass off by now telling him to stop making me laugh so hard cause it hurts.
Bama: Seriously Jen, For a minute I was thinking you may have downplayed what happened to Simon cause I know you... you don't make a big deal of anything.
Me: No Bama... really... it was a car and my bike... i have a face that looks like I got into a fight with a boxer and a fractured elbow... I'm going to live.
Bama: Ok so no Bus?
Me: No.
Bama: No explosions?
Me: No.
Bama: No terrorists taking you hostage?
Me: LAUGHING TOO HARD TO SAY NO...
It's like the phone game you play when you're a kid! You sit in a circle and tell one person a story and get them to pass it on all the way around the circle and watch how many details change by the time the story gets back to you... AMAZING!


The moral of this story? I should not have answered my phone at all that day.... LOL

Biking with Cars - Part 2 - The Ballsy Bum

If you read my last post, you know that I was recently hit by a car while riding my bike. Shitty deal all around really but overall I feel lucky because it could have easily been a lot worse. Now that a few days have passed it's time to look back and laugh at some rather humorous things that went down throughout the whole ordeal. Over the next few days I will be writing about the funnies of the whole situation.

Today we start with The Brave Bum...

I was sitting in the back of the police car chatting with the good looking officer while filling out my official statement etc... My bicycle was leaning up against a tree right outside of the car within plain view to us both. There was no lock on the bike but I figured nobody was going to try to steal it while a police car is parked right in front of it. All of a sudden this less than good looking man (he wore stinky and dirty quite well actually), who I could only assume was a bum, came to the front passenger window of the cop's car and tapped on the window. The police officer reluctantly opened the window slightly to let the guy's head peer in. His words made my eyes widen.

The bum said: "Hey if you're here about that bike over there (and pointed to my baby leaning up against the tree in front of us), then it's cool, don't worry. I figure I'll save you the trouble. That's my buddie's bike. I saw him riding it this morning. I'm going to take it out of your way and bring it over to my buddy... I was watching it for him."
The officer's face twisted and he bit his lip and said: "oh is that right?"
The bum said: "Yea yea, it's cool don't worry. I'm going to get it out of your way now ok?"
The officer: "Hey man what did your buddy look like?"
The bum: "UUhhh he's a native american guy..."
The officer: Pointing to me and my wide eyes and huge grin by now in the back seat says "Does he look like this young lady in the back seat?"
The bum sticks his head somewhat in the car to look at me in the back nods (cause by now I guess he realized defeat in the matter) and then proceeds to walk away.
The officer yells: "Man! You better get lost quick!"

I had to stop writing for a minute when that happened cause both the officer and I were laughing too hard at the whole thing. This freakin bum was going to try to steal my bike not 5 minutes after I put it up against that tree and got in the car! AMAZING. Talk about balls.
I gotta say... Toronto has some colorful people in its' streets! LMAO